100 BEST 'GET TO KNOW YOU' QUESTIONS IN RANKING ORDER

Medically reviewed by Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW, CST — Written by Crystal Raypole on October 30, 2019

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Some people have no trouble getting lớn know others. You might even have a friend lượt thích that.

Ten minutes with someone new, and they’re chatting away as if they’ve known each other for years. But not everyone has such an easy time connecting with new people.

When trying lớn find out more about a new acquaintance, you might be tempted to run through a long menu of questions. While asking questions is certainly a good starting point, it’s only part of the equation.

Here’s a look at how to get to know someone on a deeper level without a ton of small talk.


Ask genuine questions

Again, questions do serve a purpose when you’re getting to know someone. In fact, you’d probably have a hard time communicating without asking any questions at all.

Bạn đang xem: 100 best 'get to know you' questions in ranking order

But it’s important to make sure you’re asking questions you’re truly interested in. Not much of a film person? Don’t feel like you have to lớn rattle off the age-old “Seen any good movies lately?”


Focus on questions that further a conversation

Consider how you’d feel if someone asked you a lot of questions that didn’t seem to lớn have much purpose:

“What’s your middle name?”“Do you have any pets?” “What’s your favorite food?”

You’d probably feel overwhelmed, or even like you stumbled into an interview you weren’t prepared for.

Instead of asking random questions, let the conversation guide you, và look for cues from the other person. For example, if you notice a co-worker has a desktop background of dogs, you might say, “Oh, how cute! Are those your dogs?”

Remember, you don’t have lớn ask everything that comes khổng lồ mind. People naturally reveal information about themselves over time.

If you keep talking lớn them, you’ll probably over up getting answers lớn even those questions you didn’t ask.


Avoid rapid-fire questions

Say you just met someone who seems really great. You can definitely see yourself becoming friends, maybe even something more. Once you feel that initial spark of interest, you want khổng lồ know more about them ASAP.

But rattling off a lot of questions may not be the best move. Sure, you’ll find out key facts about the person, such as where they grew up and how many siblings they have. But one thoughtful question might give you even more information.

For example, if you want to ask about family, you could say, “Do you spend a lot of time with your family?” This will likely get you a better answer than simply asking if they have siblings.


Accept the awkwardness

People often mặc định to rapid, superficial questioning when they sense a lull in the conversation. But this initial awkwardness is totally normal.

A 2018 study found it usually takes about a month for conversation patterns to lớn settle into a comfortable rhythm.

In the meantime, try not lớn be too put off by any moments of silence or awkwardness that might come up.

If you have a hard time getting through those initial awkward moments, Katherine Parker, LMFT, suggests practicing with a trusted friend. Start with an opener, such as “Hey, I love that patch on your bag. Did you thiết kế it?” and practice keeping the conversation going.


Actively listen lớn their answers

If you’re genuinely interested in getting lớn know someone, you can’t just ask them questions. You also have to pay attention to their answers. You can use active listening skills to show someone you have a sincere interest in what they have khổng lồ say.

Active listening means you participate in the conversation even when you’re not speaking.


How to bởi it


Give active listening a try by:

making eye contact turning or leaning toward the person speaking nodding or making affirming noises while listeningwaiting lớn speak until they finishrestating or empathizing with what they’ve said (“You broke your arm twice in one year? That must have been horrible, I can’t imagine.”)
Pay attention to lớn how they respond
You can learn a lot from how someone physically responds lớn a question. Vì they lean in to lớn reply? Gesture or seem otherwise animated as they answer?

If they seem excited, you’ve probably landed on a good topic. If they turn their body or head away, shrug off the question, or give a brief answer, they may not have much interest.

Learning to recognize someone’s màn chơi of interest can help you have more success with communication. Someone may have less interest in talking lớn you if they think you’ll continue asking questions about things they don’t really care about.


Stay present

We all feel distracted và unfocused at times. This can happen even when you’re doing something enjoyable, lượt thích talking to lớn someone you’re interested in getting to know.

But zoning out can come across as being disinterested, especially to lớn someone who doesn’t know you well.

If you feel your attention wandering, resist the urge to lớn reach for your phone or otherwise check out of the conversation. Instead, take a mindful moment and remind yourself of what you’re doing — và why.

If you really can’t give your attention lớn the conversation, just be honest. Say something like, “I had a rough day, và I want khổng lồ give this conversation better attention than I’m capable of right now.” This can help the other person feel valued. They’ll probably respect your honesty, too.


Be honest

It might seem harmless khổng lồ fudge the truth a little in order lớn relate lớn someone.

You read “The Hunger Games,” so you enthuse about how much you love dystopian young adult novels. Or, maybe you want to lớn join your cute co-worker’s running group, so you casually mention running 5 miles every other morning when your shoes have been sitting in the back of the closet for months.

As minor as these exaggerations might seem, developing trust is an important step in getting lớn know a person. When the truth comes out (and it usually does), they might wonder what else you’ve exaggerated, or if your entire friendship is based on a lie.

You don’t always have to lượt thích the same things lớn make a connection. Let areas of similarity come naturally. If they don’t, you can always introduce each other to lớn those things you’re passionate about.


Talk about yourself

Your relationships shouldn’t be one-sided. You won’t have much of a friendship if the other person doesn’t get to know you, too. Along with asking questions, try to chia sẻ things about yourself.

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You can offer personal details naturally over the course of a conversation, often by replying to what someone says. For example: “You like to cook? That’s amazing. I don’t have much patience in the kitchen, but I love khổng lồ make cocktails.”

Some people may feel uncomfortable if they know very little about who they’re talking to, so sharing things about yourself can help them feel more at ease.

You can then bring the conversation back to lớn the other person with a related question, like, “Did you teach yourself khổng lồ cook?”

According khổng lồ Parker, people who find it hard khổng lồ connect with others often have trouble connecting with themselves. She advises developing your own hobbies và interests so you can expand your experiences.


Keep compliments minimal — and genuine

Praising someone might seem like a good way to lớn get them to lượt thích you, but you don’t want khổng lồ overdo it. This can be off-putting, since it often seems insincere. Also, it can often make people uncomfortable.

A good rule of thumb is lớn make compliments meaningful and sincere. A heartfelt compliment can help start a conversation that provides an opportunity to get lớn know someone better.

Use care when complimenting appearance. While there’s usually no harm in admiring a chất lượng piece of clothing or jewelry, avoid making comments about someone’s looks or size, even if you think you’re saying something positive.

Also keep in mind that comments on appearance aren’t always appropriate in the workplace.


Avoid giving advice

If someone you recently met starts telling you about a problem they’re dealing with, your gut reaction might be khổng lồ offer advice. But it’s best khổng lồ just listen with empathy, unless they specifically ask what you think or what you would vì in the same situation.

If you really want khổng lồ help, say “That sounds really tough. If you need anything, let me know. I’m happy lớn help out if I can.”

It’s generally best to avoid asking for too much advice yourself, too.

Maybe you want to show the other person you value their thoughts và input. But constantly asking “What bởi vì you think about that?” or “What should I do?” or even “Do you think I did the right thing?” can put someone on the spot for an answer they may not feel comfortable giving.


Avoid texting or messaging too much 

Texting might feel lượt thích a good way to lớn avoid the initial awkwardness that sometimes comes with getting khổng lồ know someone. But try not khổng lồ rely too heavily on this kind of communication, especially in the early stages. If distance is an issue, consider video clip chatting.

Whenever possible, save texting for making plans or a quick “Hey, I was thinking of you.” You can let the other person guide you here. If you both enjoy texting, go for it.

Just take care lớn maintain balance. Remember, you’re having a conversation, so try lớn avoid text walls và give the other person a chance khổng lồ reply. Save more intense conversations for in-person communication to lớn help you avoid miscommunication.

Avoid sending a lot of texts before you receive a reply. People get busy, and coming back to lớn 12 messages after 1 day can feel overwhelming.

If someone is already taking space from your messages, sending more won’t help the situation.


Put effort into making plans

When making plans with someone new, using things from your conversation or cues in their environment can help.

Coffee is usually an easy option, but coming up with a more personalized plan shows you’ve been paying attention. That can help someone feel more comfortable around you. For example, if you both have dogs, you might suggest going khổng lồ a dog park.

Using conversation cues can also help you know what lớn avoid suggesting. You wouldn’t want lớn suggest meeting at a bar khổng lồ someone who’s mentioned staying sober, for example.

There may come a time when you arrive late or have khổng lồ cancel your plans, but try not to let this happen often. Arriving on time and keeping commitments shows you value the other person’s time.


Don’t press too hard on sensitive subjects

Some people love talking about politics, religion, past relationships, current relationship(s), or any number of other potentially delicate topics. Others don’t. Many people don’t feel comfortable talking about these issues until they know someone well.

Even if you love getting right into the deep, meaningful subjects, it’s generally wise to lớn exercise caution when you’re just getting to know someone.

“So, what bởi you think happens when we die?” may not be the best topic the first time you meet up for coffee. Save that one for the cozier late-night chat you might have a few weeks or months down the road.

It’s perfectly fine to lớn introduce more sensitive topics in a general way, especially if you prefer to know how someone feels about certain subjects from the beginning.

But pay attention to how they respond. If they give short answers, move khổng lồ another topic. If they simply say they’d rather not talk about something, respect that and change the subject.


Practice vulnerability 

If you want lớn get khổng lồ know someone more intimately, your approach shouldn’t be one-sided. In other words, you can’t expect someone to cốt truyện personal information if you aren’t willing to do the same.

You usually have khổng lồ offer some level of vulnerability before someone begins feeling comfortable around you.

This doesn’t mean you have to xuất hiện up about heavy or serious topics right away. But over time, you might naturally begin sharing more information about the things that matter in your life.

It’s just fine khổng lồ keep things casual & lighthearted, if that’s the kind of friendship you’re looking for. But if you want your new acquaintanceship lớn develop into a close friendship or even a romance, you may not be able khổng lồ get there without becoming vulnerable.

On the other hand, make sure you’re respecting their boundaries. If they tell you they don’t want to lớn talk about something or seem khổng lồ turn away when you bring up a certain topic, don’t push it.


Give it time

It can take more than 100 hours over a period of 3 months for a friendship to lớn develop.

Of course, simply spending time with someone doesn’t mean you’ll form a long lasting friendship, but your chances for friendship tend lớn increase when you spend more time with someone.

It’s understandable khổng lồ want khổng lồ get closer lớn someone right away, but letting things naturally develop can have better results than forcing a friendship.

Just focus on spending time with the person you want to get to lớn know, và use the tips above to lớn help make that time count.

Also keep in mind that friendships may not always work out. Just as some people aren’t compatible as thắm thiết partners, some people also aren’t compatible as friends, & that’s OK.

If you’ve made an effort but the two of you don’t seem to lớn click, it’s perfectly acceptable khổng lồ stop extending invitations and just make polite conversation when you see them at school, work, or anywhere else. Let them reach out to lớn you next, if they still want to pursue a friendship.